Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize