WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
