the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
