Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
