You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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