just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
