I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Quick, to the slutcave!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
