Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
