im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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