Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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