awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize