So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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