Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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