Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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