What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
