Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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