I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize