I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
