I must be too annoying 4 u.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize