We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
