I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
