My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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