Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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