To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How does it feel to date your dad?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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