Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
