using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
