I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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