i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
