Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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