dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
