his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
