I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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