i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
