Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
NoShamevember. You game?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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