FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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