Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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