it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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