Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
