My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
