I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can I color on your dick again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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