you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
