I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
