You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
