Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
