Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
