Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
