I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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