Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you had me at cake vodka
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
