so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize