Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
