he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
