i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
