I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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