is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
