Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
