Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
