You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
