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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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