Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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