thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
