The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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