shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
