were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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