Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
