if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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