I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
