I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize