I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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