i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
