Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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