He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
