Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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