she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
