Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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